Sunday, October 16, 2016

The Nice Ajumma

The word ajumma (아줌마) is a respectful term for an older woman (usually anyone above the age of 40 or 50).  However, to me, it carries a negative connotation; almost like a discriminatory slur.  The reason is for this is that almost every experience I have had with them has been unpleasant.  From the looks of disapproval on the subway, to them stepping on my feet and pushing me out of the way everywhere they walk, I have grown to hate them and I am not alone.  Ask almost any foreigner and they will agree that the typical ajumma is rude and does not like foreigners in Korea.  They are like the Korean version of Trump supporters.

I speculate the reason for this has a lot to do with the culture here.  Respect, as it is in all Asian cultures, is extremely important in Korea.  They even have a different language (존댓말) that is used for speaking to someone older than you, as opposed to speaking to a friend or someone younger than you (반말).  The effect of this culture is that the older generations in Korea have begun to expect this treatment, feel entitled to it, and in the case of the typical ajumma, use it as an excuse to do whatever and behave however they want.

Now this brings me to my story.  This weekend I was riding the subway to go to my first practice with a rugby team I have joined in Seoul, when an African lady asked me if I could move over one seat to make room for this ajumma she was with (I think she was the ajumma's helper as the ajumma was quite old).  This was a simple request, so I moved.  Now, my expectation was that this action would go unappreciated because, for one, it did not require much of me because there was an empty seat on the other side of me, and secondly, because of my prejudice towards ajummas.  However, she gave me a smile and thanked me in Korean, to which I replied "you're welcome (괜젆아요)" in Korean.  Although that was already almost unprecedented compared to my usual experiences with ajummas, it did not end there.  She continued to talk to me, all in Korean of course, for the remainder of our ride together.  Her helper, who did not speak Korean, became suspicious and a harshly asked me, "what is she saying to you?" To which I replied, "she is just asking me where I live in Korea, where I am from, and complimenting me on my Korean".  To this the helper just sat back in her seat and didn't say a word.  The ajumma then asked me if I had eaten breakfast and I told that I had not, but that I had my breakfast in my bag.  She then, right as I was about to get off the train, offered me a candy, which I happily accepted, thanked her, alighted the train, and continued on my way with a smile on my face that she had placed there.

Now I do not consider myself a racist or a sexist, in fact I am passionately intolerant of people who are, but this experience made me realize that in Korea I had become an ageist, specifically towards older women in Korea.  The first step in eliminating prejudice is to acknowledge it, and I am hoping this experience helps shatter these prejudices in myself and to realize that not all ajummas are rude.

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